Reflections

This is our first draft for our thriller opening - titled 'Reflections'.
We were unsure of what to name our thriller; we decided to changed it from our initial title, Portraits of Obsession. Nevertheless, Reflections was suggested to us by our teacher and it linked well with one of our shots - when the male character looks in the mirror, and looks directly into the camera. This shot is said to have an effective impact on the audience and thus would show a clear connection to the title.




This is the feedback and marks received from the teacher regarding the first draft of our opening:

Mark: 38
Level 3
Grade: C/D

Feedback:

- Camera work is controlled and steady throughout most of the extract
- Framing of shots is mostly well conceived with elements included / excluded as appropriate
- Shot distances are varied throughout the extract
- The material is appropriate to the task set, however it becomes quite repetitive. This results in the later half of the extract losing focus.
- Mise-en-scene has been clearly thought out with effective use of location choice, colour and lighting throughout the extract.
- Editing is competent - there is considerable scope for improvement here which will also improve pace and continuity. Particularly, in the development of the duel narrative.
- Shot transitions are effective but need to be better timed towards the later stages of the extract.
- Both diegetic and non-diegetic sound have been used effectively throughout the extract. However, as the editing falters towards the end of the extract, the match-on-action loses focus making the mood of the extract inconsistent.
- Titles are well made and feel appropriate to the genre, however they could be more evenly paced across the extract.

Targets for improvement:

- You need to include Production Company etc. at the beginning and hold a single frame of black for longer.
- I also recommend introducing the running water sound earlier and even more gradual - raising the volume very slowly - this will develop the mood of your opening more effectively.
- Later you have lost your way - some poor choices of shots have been included.
- Also, some shots need to be held for longer.
- Your titles need to be more evenly spread across the piece.
- Finally, you need to add more focus on to the antagonist as that is whom you are trying to establish.

Improvements we discussed as a group:

- Production Company with a very quiet sound of running water in the background
- Move titles to the beginning
- Remove music - maybe introduce it at the character
- Increase the length of the shot of the eye or move the shot
- Titles after Jonny washes his hands?
- Replace music with an ambiguous music
- Creshendo music at the end
- More focus on Jonny and his environment. More shots - less of Abbie.
- Music is overpowering - make it more subtle
- Slower zoom to the door
- Move the tilt of Jonny before he washes his hands
- Hold the shot of Jonny looking in the mirror (1-2 seconds longer)
- Running shots are ineffective - remove.
- Use different angle of shots for Jonny
- Jonny - show where he's going as he leaves the bathroom. Follow him into a room
- Include a mirror in the room - reflection of Abbie seen - links in with the title
- Shorter flash backs